Zen and the Art of Being Five Years Old.

20 MINUTES BEFORE BEDTIME:

5-year-old: Mom, can I watch TV?

Me, loading the dishwasher: No.

5-year-old: Well, what am I supposed to do until bedtime, then?

Me, impatiently: I don’t know. Go in the living room and meditate or something until I’m ready to read you a story.

5-year-old: Meditate? What’s that?

Me: You know, like Master Shifu in Kung Fu Panda… “inner peace… inner peace…”

5-year-old, suddenly lifted to penultimate heights of excitement: OKAY!!!

She then runs into the living room and sits down in a lotus position and starts chanting inner peace… inner peace… over and over again, while I congratulate myself on not only handling that conversation so well, but on finding an activity for her that might possibily help soothe her turbulent 5-year-old soul, and not to mention the fact that it might come in handy on those nights when I just need an extra 15 minutes or so before I sit down to read to her.

15 MINUTES LATER:

Me, finished with the dishes: Okay… it’s time to pick out a story book.

5-year-old: WHAT??? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Shen then jumps up from her lotus position and begins stamping her feet in the throes of an escalating tantrum and pretty soon she’s practically throwing herself to the floor and screaming the entire time:

I WANT TO KEEP INNER-PEACE-ING!!!!! I WANT TO KEEP INNER-PEACE-ING!!!!!!! I WANT TO KEEP INNER-PEACE-ING!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

And the Buddha wept.

So much for those extra 15 minutes.

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8 Responses to “Zen and the Art of Being Five Years Old.”


  1. 1 Ami December 11, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    That’s really funny. It IS. You should save it for when you write your novel and need the five year old to act, well, five.

    🙂

  2. 2 RegularMom December 11, 2008 at 5:26 pm

    Thanks, Ami. I saw that tag on your blog a few days ago. I’m gonna hopefully get that written and posted soon. 🙂

  3. 3 Mom #1 December 12, 2008 at 12:45 am

    That’s so funny! I would love to camp out in your living room for a week or two. Y’all have had the funniest experiences EVAH!

    Give Buddha extra smooches tonight, ;-).

  4. 5 RegularSis December 12, 2008 at 11:03 am

    And the Buddha LAUGHED!

    I knew it – she’s a meditator, just like her Aunt.

    Well, kinda like me…I’m a titch quieter.

    xo

    RegSis

  5. 6 Not June Cleaver December 13, 2008 at 1:28 am

    LOL!! You never know what kids will do/say do you? It never ceases to amaze me. Great story.

  6. 8 Mommylion December 13, 2008 at 4:26 pm

    I can totally relate to her, actually. 🙂


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