RegularMom’s ultimate gift picks.

Worried about breaking the bank this year, getting your kids those essential gifts? Tired of the endless commercialism and consumerism that practically forces you to buy those essential electronic gadgets that break all too soon? Dreading spending more than you can afford on a slew of toys for your kids only to have them complaining of boredom six weeks later? Well, look no further. Here are some fabulous gift ideas that won’t break your budget and that are guaranteed to keep your kids entertained for more than 45 minutes.

10. Car Keys.
Not the plastic play ones…the real deal. Have an extra set of your car keys made this year for your little ones. If you’re really lucky, you’ll have one of those digital car keys, the kind with the buttons that you push once or twice to open doors automatically. Your little angels will spend several delightful hours pushing these buttons and opening your car doors all while you’re busy making doctor appointments or helping someone go potty. There’s no greater joy than knowing that when you look out your window, you’ll find that your car doors have been gaping wide open all afternoon for the neighbors to see, and for anyone to perhaps dig through your CD’s or leftover happy meal toys. On the bright side, at least your car will be cleaned out, and not by you.

9. Toothpaste.
Who needs finger paints when you can just stock up on various flavors of Buzz Lightyear and My Little Pony Toothpaste? Your children will love a couple of tubes of toothpaste in their stockings this year. They come in all flavors, colors and Disney character brands. Kick back and relax with a cup of coffee while your kids go wild in the bathroom, knowing deep in your heart that at some point they will eat some of it (thus accidentally protecting their teeth against cavities), that the bathtub is only a foot and a half away from where the action is happening, and that those toothpasty handprints will dry to a fine pasty piece of memorabilia on your bathroom cabinets and mirrors.

8. Floss.
To continue stressing the importance of good dental hygiene, how about a roll of dental floss or two? They make excellent stocking stuffers and if you can’t get your kids to actually floss the candy out of their teeth, they’ll at least enjoy unspooling the entire roll of floss into a dish to make spagetti. Old cassette tapes are also good for this kind of play.

7. Trash.
If your kids are like mine, they love trash. All the little bits of fuzz and paper, cheese stick wrappers and broken plastic pieces of… well, stuff that used to be important…it’s all more valuable than gold.  Just skip the vaccuuming this year and sweep all that crap into an old battered shoebox, wrap it up, and give it to your kids as TREASURE. Because to them, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

6. Your heirloom jewelry.
They learned it at Grandma’s house, how much fun it is to play with real jewelry. Now you too can give your kids this simple joy of losing all your diamonds down the heating ducts.

5. Dad’s heavy-metal-band black boots.
Your kids will LOVE trying these clunkers on, and you’ll love the fact that once they’re actually laced up in them, they simply can’t move anywhere. Perfect for those moments when you just need to use the bathroom.

4. Remote controls.
If you’re like me, you’ve got dozens of these things all over the house, and you’ve never really figured out how to use them anyway. Half of them go to old broken down televisions hidden away in your basement or attic. Give them to your kids and witness the miracle of built-in DNA as they show you how all those little buttons work.

3. Styrofoam.
There’s nothing more exciting than a pile of styrofoam packing material just-pulled from the box of something your husband just bought off E-bay. Rather than throwing that packing material away, give it to your kids. Watch as they crumble it up into roughly two million tiny pieces of “snow” and spread it all over your livingroom. Delight in their endless giggles as they watch you try to pick up all those static-electricity-charged snow drifts. This is a gift that keeps on giving, as you spend days picking it off your sweaters and their underwear.

2. Scissors.
Surely you’ve got an extra pair somewhere? Just hand them over and watch your preschooler amuse herself for hours on end as she cuts through your un-read copy of Time, your clothing and hers, your expensive duvet, her Barbies and stuffed animals, and of course, her own hair.

1. A Christmas tree they can actually climb.
Bring in some heavy equipment, smash through your living room floor and just plant a damn tree. Leave it up all year and let them go at it. Let the kids decorate it with the little bits of uneaten food they leave behind. Then they can enjoy hours of climbing without even having to stop to get a snack, and you can relax in the eco-friendly knowledge that you planted a tree this year instead of chopping one down.

Well, that should take care of all your I-Don’t-Know-What-To-Get-My-Kids-This-Year woes. Good luck with your last minute shopping! I don’t know about you, but I’m already wrapping up piles of stale Goldfish cracker crumbs and dust bunnies to put under the tree. Nothing says Merry Christmas more than that. My kids are gonna be THRILLED!


8 Responses to “RegularMom’s ultimate gift picks.”

  1. 1 Maria December 23, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    You’re too funny…I like the styrofoam one especially…and well,seriously (which you are) on the trash thing…how true is that? My daughter has all this detritus under her bed and it’s her treasure and I’m seeing “trash”…so why not wrap it indeed? I swear there are things she doesn’t even remember up there…regift!

  2. 2 SabrinaT December 23, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    That is great. Merry Christmas!!

  3. 3 Mom #1 December 24, 2008 at 1:34 am

    Ok, Santa-RegularMom, I’ll totally take 2 sets of the #5.

    Baby Boy is 15 (and Mom #2 is twice that and then some!)and I still rarely get to go to the bathroom without having to explain in embarrassingly extreme detail that I will be a few minutes in the potty and PLEASE do not knock on the door or come sit on my bed and watch television while they wait for me to get out as that will only hinder, not hurry, my delicate process.

    Merry Christmas!

  4. 4 Heather December 24, 2008 at 7:06 am

    To accompany #2, a dustbuster. Then they can suck up the little bits of stuff they just cut up with the scissors. They’ll have a blast. In fact, it will be so fun they’ll have to go looking for MORE things to cut up and vacuum. Like a box of checks or the assembly instructions for the new bookshelves.

  5. 5 rae December 24, 2008 at 8:36 am


    Happy Christmas, dear.

  6. 6 RegularMom December 24, 2008 at 10:22 am

    LOL, you guys!

    And Merry Freekin Christmas to you all. Here’s hoping that if you don’t get what you want, you at least get 5 uninterrupted minutes in the bathroom. 🙂

  7. 7 Obi-Mom Kenobi December 24, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    #5 is gold, baby, solid gold.

  8. 8 Daisy December 31, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    Found you through the WTM loop. This was too funny!

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