Beware the angry bird watcher.

Well, someone was in a mood. Someone typed this happy little search string into Google one day last week, and ended up here at my little corner of the blogosphere:

fucking picturee of a damn cardinal

And I just gotta say: Dude. That is some seriously angry Googling.

I’m trying to imagine what it would take to make a person type that into Google just like that. What was it? Some sort of group science project? Some sort of group presentation on the cardinal, and this kid’s job was to Get The Pictures? And he never did it? And his classmates were all like: Dude… did you get the pictures of the cardinal yet? We totally NEED those pictures. This report is gonna suck ass if you don’t get online and get the goddam pictures already!

Did it go on like that for days upon days upon days until the kid finally screamed ALL RIGHT ALREADY! I SAID I’D GET THE PICTURES AND I’LL GET THE DAMN PICTURES!!!!! And then he sat down at his computer and typed in “fucking picturee of a damn cardinal”? (That extra “e” on picture just shows how hard he must have punched the keyboard. That dude was pissed.)

Or was it that just searching for the word cardinal didn’t bring up any good looking birds? Or are cardinals just irritating in general? Did a cardinal flitter by this dude’s window and… well… flip him the bird (I know, I’m sorry) or maybe a cardinal crapped on his windshield, or his head, or WHAT?

Here, look at this picture, and tell me:


how does it make you feel? Are you experiencing any feelings of rage or anxiety? No? Are you sure? Because, just look at that son-of-a-bitch. He is totally getting ready to piss you off. That bird is Out To Get You. Just keep your hat on and back away nice and slow.

Fucking cardinals. Always sitting in trees…twittering… and looking so …red.

I’m so mad right now, I could just Google.


8 Responses to “Beware the angry bird watcher.”

  1. 1 Not June Cleaver January 30, 2009 at 10:16 am

    Wow! You win the prize for weird search term hits to your page! That is just too funny.

  2. 2 Ami January 30, 2009 at 10:57 am

    For some reason, that picture made me long for summer.

    It did not, however, make me angry.

    Maybe if I look at it longer.

  3. 3 Shawna January 30, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    I don’t know…. Come summer time I feel like yelling “get our of my damn garden you fucking Cardinal!!!” 😉 But it’s not even summer yet….

    Thanks for the laugh this morning.

  4. 4 Mom #1 January 30, 2009 at 12:19 pm

    LOL! Who could be mad at that cute birdie? What a crackpot!

  5. 5 Maria January 30, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    OH, stop it!! I’m laughing….wiping eyes…sighing…snorting again…wiping eyes…that card is beautiful…I want spring…now I”m all depressed again. hey, Hey, HEY!! Write something funny again. C’mon write some more!! Oh, well…I’ll go re read.

  6. 7 RegularMom January 30, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    Thanks, guys. I was out at the museum all day, so I didn’t get a chance to see comments till now.

    Once again, I’m all: thank God they’re laughing. Because when it’s close to midnight, and I punch “send” after one of these, I’m all: what if no one’s laughing but me?


  7. 8 Trish February 2, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    What an absolute riot!! Thanks for the laugh, I’m wiping my eyes over here in WA. 🙂 HA!

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